Christyl Rivers, Phd.
4 min readApr 24, 2017

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About Your Co-dependency With Social Media

Four ways to consider balancing your screen time with live-streaming reality

Human beings are social animals. We evolved to congregate with other people. Technology exploits our human need to connect, inquire, feel approval, and communicate.

You know how very badly you need to flame LibTard Hoax 31, but what if you did not? What if instead you looked out the window and found a world might be out there — and it might be inhabitable! (also called habitable, that’s strange, huh?)

Of course, it’s not habitable in a way you comprehend, the robin song app seems untested and the app for that tall column thing with lots of shaggy arms is not even available.

Is that a tree? Or is it a video game graphic?

Once upon a time we met at the watering place, or hunting and gathering areas. At night, we converged around the fire and exchanged stories. A ‘Like’ was displayed with a smile rather than a click, and often, people raised real thumbs or displayed other positive, non-verbal gestures. Comments were expressed with actual sound! No matter that these are scary as hell, these options still exist. But in our less threatening western societies online, we have grown more and more detached from physical, three-dimensional interaction.

Your dependence upon electronic connection is good. Your need for social approval indicates you are probably not a sociopath, but what if something exists out there, beyond it?

Start with the shaggy video game column thing. Tree. Yes, that thing. It creates the breath you breathe, but you don’t have to check any boxes for terms and conditions. That just feels weird. But try the breathing anyway, you’ll find it greatly enhances your life. But careful, this addiction to breathing can also quickly become something you don’t want to live without.

These days people meet at the message leaving center, however, separated by screens, distance, and even time. Think about this, we have more ways to connect than any other time in history, but so many options make it difficult sometimes to make two-way communications as reliable as they once were.

But are people really connecting? Much more study is needed on this.

Some speculate that there are aspects to social media that will never take the place of physical immersion in a three-dimensional world. Some experiences can’t be approximated on screens, but maybe when the super-realistic robots arrive?

Until then, here are four options to get off line for a bit. You will be so confident at how brave you are.

1. Your very physical presence with another shows that you value that person

Making time to see people in the flesh is necessary for those relationships you need most. It is wonderful to have technology to stay in touch with others, but think about the words “in touch” They clearly indicate that as handshakes, hugs and things like dancing display, we evolved with physical bodies that gain affirmation of real connection by real connection.

Figure out how to coax someone off your Tinder, or other match service. They may just be courageous and out-going enough to meet in the “real world.” But be cautious, maybe they are sociopaths.

2. Live actions have more impact than left messages

There are a thousand ways to send a message with words, but actions still speak more loudly. You can leave notes, texts or even send photos with relative ease, but that doesn’t mean you should have only virtual relationships. Be extreme and cutting edge: Send an actual note, drop a postcard, pick up a book (old school text device) and offer it to someone. Show actual pictures, articles, or objects.

Go for walks and engage not just dialogue, but body language. Welcome to being a whole primate again. That’s good because we’ve endangered all the other primates.

3. If you accept that you are human, imagine that others may be as well.

Learn to not berate yourself for your shortcomings or tech addictions. Think of this: if you are engaged in direct communication with another, and your kid, spouse, friend, or even a store clerk, suddenly snaps their attention over to a game, tablet, smart phone or other device, you get the message that your live interaction is devalued. But if you are interrupted, you can always say “sorry, got to take this,” or tell your child: “Wait! I’m busy, right now, hold on!” If you child is pointing out a butterfly on a flower, don’t worry. There is a good chance that up to half of us will survive biodiversity loss and/or Trumpocalypse that results in the eventuality that another butterfly or flower will happen sooner or later.

4. Celebrate and appreciate that all of life, may or may not be actual life.

Remember the Matrix? Remember George Berkeley? Probably not. That’s before Facebook.

But nevertheless, we may or may not be dreaming ourselves. Or hooked up to create the most absurd and energy/effort intense way of producing fuel energy that has ever been conceived.

The point is, there is only the actual Cosmos to prove we really exist, and no one even knows for how much longer.

Get out there and investigate this “real life” thing, then quickly jump on line to spiral through ever-relentless death circles to futilely try to connect to others who discover the same phenomena.

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Christyl Rivers, Phd.

Ecopsychologist, Writer, Farmer, Defender of reality, and Cat Castle Custodian.