Is my kitty trying to kill me just to become a star?

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She’s all heart and homicide, Christyl Rivers

My latest foster kitty, Miss Fluff-furry, Cutie Cuddles, aka, Fuzzy Heart, wants me dead.

I was not sure about this at first. The toy left on the bottom stair was slippery, but not necessarily left there to break my neck. Or was it?

But when she left what was more likely than not a parasite-laced hairball right there on the kitchen table, I knew. It lay secretly upon the good Mikasa china, tucked strategically right under some potato salad.

Clever kitty! But, How could you, Cutie Cuddles?

For days, she has been dancing about like Lady Gaga on catnip. She preened and posed like Kim Kardashian every time a gullible human came in the room. She constantly competed for full camera time against the half blind, neutered old guy, Grumples. And, she was winning.

What an adorable kitten! They cooed. Oh, can I take an Instagram with her? And they did.

It’s that fuzzy heart patch on her side. She knows she can become an internet sensation if she just has the chance, but not with me.

See, I don’t do that nonsense. If I wanted to make millions in endorsement deals by just posting Fuzzy Kitten Heart videos online, I would miss my writing. No way. Just sitting back and raking in the big google-tube bucks is not my style.

To make an honest, and impoverished, living slavishly trying to get recognized on Medium is the only ethical choice.


Oh, and that I can’t keep up with technology and G-chatting, or Deep Flakes, or whatever, at my age has NOTHING to do with it.

But, will I make a “living” and not a “dying” with Miss Cutie Cuddles in my home? Sure, she looks innocent. Those big eyes, cheeky winks, that mischievous smirk that reminds one of an internet sensation Kitler kitty-youth thinking of putting Jewish mice, and gay mice, in feed station camps. (Not that I want to offend anyone here with that reference, but have you seen how cute the pictures of Kitler cats are online?). Apologies to all the Gay, Jewish mice out there. But to be honest aren’t ALL cats fascists?

Go ahead and google search for Kitler cats online while your own pet (or child) contemptuously contemplates your demise. Obviously, like I said, I don’t have time to learn how to search, copy, something about a “V” and post. That’s for non-professional writers with too much time on their hands.

Cutie knows how to fetch. Anyone who has ever seen a kitten fetch knows that cats alone will be the only creatures alive who can actually make “FETCH” happen.

She is going to be adopted soon, hopefully by a young, ambitious tech-savvy influencer. And, I will breathe a sigh of relief.

In the meantime, Fluff-furry, here’s another brand new, yarn-based mousie toy for you to eviscerate.

Oh, look at you! Such a smoochie, woochie, cutie kins!

Better the mousie than me.

Happy Space Cats is a humor publication here on Medium looking for new writers and followers!

Written by

Ecopsychologist, Writer, Farmer, Defender of reality, and Cat Castle Custodian.

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