Ten Reasons I’m Sorry I Am A Racist. But If It Helps, I’m Also A Feminist

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Not manspreading! Sitting performed by someone who chooses not to shave, photo by Christyl Rivers

There are more reasons than this that display how people are racist, and not feminist, but these ten underscore fundamental facts.

As explored in a recent article, I’ve “come out” as a racist. This means I understand that all people are different, that we make war due to our differences, and unless we make peace we all suffer by denying we are racist or sexist. I am sorry to have to report as racist, but not at all sorry to be a proud feminist.

Here, to summarize, are ten reasons why I think we allow the “norms” of injustice:

  1. People do not see themselves as sexist or racist, nor do they see their overall acceptance of unfairness.

Due to defense mechanisms, (Even Nazis have to think they are doing the right thing in order to do it) people clump together to unite against the “Other” who is identified as the enemy.

Racism, is of course horrible. But there are biological as well as sociological factors that help explain why we fan the flames of racism and dismiss our own empowerment to find scapegoats. One primary reason is biological and evolutionary. We fear the strange and unfamiliar and we have mental models based upon our defense mechanisms. We also crave the unfamiliar and novel. There is nothing about humanity that is solidly binary, both traits are experienced by all human beings.

2. Men and women who see male or femaleness as a social construct confuse the fact that nature and nurture are both ongoing each moment. Some people believe feminists think there are no pre-programed gender differences.

For most of my life I have heard the myth that feminism “thinks” equality means there are no pre-wired differences between men and women. They say that we say gender is a social construct. This has never been the case, especially for those of us who study biology. Differences are very pronounced, and every scholar of feminism from Gloria Steinem to Barrack Obama has always been clear about this. Of course, we are biologically programed. Of course, we are also socially programmed. To say we are not misunderstands that equality does not mean the same. It never has. Equality is about fairness, choice and justice, not about “sameness.”

3. Feminists care about women (and men) in Africa and Pakistan, …and more. All people everywhere.

Men and women who say they are feminist DO care a very great deal about other nations. It’s not only privileged white women who want rights. Feminists, men and women, want universal equality for males, females, blacks, whites and every person of every color and gender. Without global universality, no one ever is saved.

This is another myth we hear about repeatedly. That somehow, despite millions of men and women working to improve overall human rights all over the planet, we are told we care only about western white privilege. It does not feel that way when I volunteer in other nations.

This myth seems to have arisen because some people believe all feminists and non-supremacists somehow defend Muslim extremists or “thug” terrorists. No. We don’t support terrorism or oppression, we support equality and love. Not hate. The truth about all religions of peace is that they are OF PEACE. There are just as many religions, to my mind, as there are billions of people of every shade. Our belief systems happen in our brains and bodies, not somewhere above the clouds.

4. Speaking of billions of people, there are too many people.

Sexism and racism seems to easily find scapegoats. But they rarely, if ever, note that without human autonomy and choice there is no hope to end overpopulation. There is not enough education, equality, and shared voice letting little boys be ballet dancers, or girls be CEOs.

Even today many female people, are told they should be mothers, not warriors. Boys are told they should be warriors and not mothers. Boys are taught not be to “weak” girls. If we are to conquer the spreading disease of climate refugees, famines, and plagues, we simply must admit feminism is about shared equality of representation.

We don’t know whether equality will end war. It’s worth a try, though, huh? It is about having a choice. To be a mother. To be a soldier. To be what YOU wish to be, and there is more than one role in each lifetime. See Shakespeare.

5. Women and girls have privilege that men do not, and vice versa.

Yes. Women sometimes do not share the tab on a date. But some of us do. It is a choice. Don’t want to date a woman who doesn’t pull her share? Then don’t date those looking for a sugar daddy. Hang instead with those who fight for equality — like those seeking wage parity. Women often get child custody. This is because they are far more often the lower wage employee, and traditionally, the choice to be a stay at home mother has not always existed. Motherhood, by the way, should always be VERY wanted, just like people who are born should always be wanted.

Again, choice. In our recent hundred, thousand- year history, innovation did not allow for men and women to do as much similar work. Women traditionally brought home the food and men helped hunt for protein. Now much work is at a desk. No spears, just pointed tips about sexism and racism, not outdated role-modeling. Men raising their own children is a choice. I support it.

6. Men are crazier about guns than women are, so we’re going to talk about guns now.

Manliness is about a cultural norm that teaches men they are weak if they are emotional. Emotional means crying, by the way. Males are not told they are weak if they like guns. That is considered strength. However, the combination of anger (which is somehow not “emotional” and gun violence, takes many human lives every day. These taken lives are disproportionately female and minority. If all armed men were black men, and every non-armed woman (of any color) in every city across USA today were identified, I am guessing it is more young, white males who feel secure packing heat than any of the others. That is not equality. Nor is it equality to have armed police who are not trained to be heroes. More men DO hurt other men, but this is not due to feminism, this is due to men being encouraged to not show their human, nurturing and feeling traits. Psychology has known for over a century that bottling up hurt feelings is akin to seismology. When the energy is released, it’s destructive.

7. Red pills, boys toys, manspreading and mansplaining are real things.

But, just as there are over seven billion mind sets on spirituality, there are just as many kinds of belief systems whether you are feminist or not. Some care passionately about girls getting decent education so we can end poverty and protect the planet. Some people tackle such concerns as manspreading and mansplaining. None of these things are mutually exclusive. Just because you don’t like someone burning down your house (our Earth) does not mean that you love someone stepping on your toes on the subway. Especially when he’s rubbing up against your crotch. Ewww. Swallowing the red pill means you accept reality. Reality says a better world is a fair world.

8. Rape happens, But Guys Don’t Usually Know They Rape.

The biggest false report out there is that women lie about being raped, harassed, violated, etc. etc. ad nauseum. The truth is most women don’t tell anyone in authority, and often don’t tell anyone at all. We have been taught our entire lives that it’s how you dress, act, drink, or any other violation of behavior that is to blame. We are taught to never rock the boat. We are taught boys will be boys. We are taught that coerced sex is not rape if he say, or sings,: “ It’s now or never…” or “Breakdown, Go ahead and give it to me…” or, “Big Pimpin, baby…, etc”.

Boys are absolutely taught that being assertive is admired and normal. Women are taught deference is the norm. If every woman had a nickel for every time she shut up and went along for the sake of not making a fuss, we would have enough money to easily make up the wage gap.

There are dueling statistics out there about how many men are convicted and how many men are falsely accused. There are statistics that say more men are raped. This happened to my brother in jail, but it’s happened to me dozens and dozens of times. On dates, not in jail.

The difference is reporting. I never, ever told my brother, Cliff. When he committed suicide (another male “privilege” as more males succeed in suicidal tragedy — see non-expression of feelings, numbers 6 & 7). The truth is that no statistics exist for how many women never say a word. If comparisons are only made to actual pressing of charges and hospitalization, it is easy to believe more men are raped, assaulted, violated, and so on.

9. Racism, Sexism, poverty and climate justice matter to YOU.

There can never be a just world when human beings are denied full personhood. People already born, besides being wanted and loved, should also be given not entitlement, but equality. The impoverished nations, mostly people of color, and especially their children, and more especially her daughters, are paying the high cost of fossil fuels addiction by those of us in richer countries. This is why it is important to talk to one another, not spew just talking points about red pills and triggers. We need to see one another’s humanity, and promote it.

10. Triggering is not what you think.

The idea of triggering comes from psychology in the 20th century. It became a useful tool to describe veterans (again mostly men not because of feminism, but because of limited choices — ie, anti-feminism — most victims of PTSD are male). See roles in numbers 5 &6. War seems to cause mental illness in addition to injury and death. So much for war being natural.

Triggering has become derided and associated with identity politics. The truth is if you have ever felt an emotional response something like “Oh God. NO! Here we go AGAIN!!” you have been triggered. It means that your memory of a particular irritation, be it life threatening, or merely annoying, triggers a set neuronal pathway that is reinforced whenever you experience that trigger. It’s fight or flight. It is useful to diagnose in PTSD. It is useful to know your triggers. To know yourself. To know and experience your humanity. To share it with compassion.

Written by

Ecopsychologist, Writer, Farmer, Defender of reality, and Cat Castle Custodian.

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